Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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