I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
