Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
