i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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