I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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