omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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