I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
