from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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