im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
