**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
