i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
