Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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