I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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