Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
