If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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