There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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