My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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