I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
