the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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