found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
