That's intense
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
