none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
