Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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