i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my being single is dangerous.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
