"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
