good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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