I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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