i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
