You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is Oprah even human
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
