Rock
Scissors
Fuck
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
