the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
