Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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