there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
