Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
don't judge my taste in strippers
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
