did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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