I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
