We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
