I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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