Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
