I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have post one night stand depression
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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