Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
