your parents love me but you hate me
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
