its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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