If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
