Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
