part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
