Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
