Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
