Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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