the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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