sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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