I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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