I look better un-naked...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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