I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
